


Safe Inside

by Zoe_Grimm



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Curses and Issues, Darkness, Doppelganger, Eventual Romance, F/F, Mirrors and Magic, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-11-30 01:03:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11452749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe_Grimm/pseuds/Zoe_Grimm
Summary: "I remember when you were all mineBut you're changing in front of my eyesWhat can I say?"Regina was home, or some place that looked like it, even if it didn't feel like it without Henry there. Without half of herself there. She had crushed her own, darkest heart and killed her past...or atleast she had intended to...





	Safe Inside

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song "Safe Inside" by James Arthur (because Regina has kept the Queen safe inside of her all these years). Obviously I don't own a thing, I just went with the lyrics. I had intended more romance overall, but it ended up being about self-acceptance in difficult times with just a dash of romance at the end.

I _remember when you were all mine_

_But you're changing in front of my eyes_

_What can I say?_

 

Regina was home, or some place that looked like it, even if it didn't feel like it without Henry there. Without half of herself there. She had crushed her own, darkest heart and killed her past. Or atleast she had intended to, but she still  _remembered._ It was like she had finally won but she couldn't stop fighting. Couldn't let go even though holding on became so hard and she was so,  _so_ tired. She sank onto her bed, ready for a night without nightmares, but she couldn't sleep. After everything, why couldn't she sleep? She was supposed to be  _free._ She finally dozed off just to jerk up again, wide awake, when she heard someone coming up the stairs.

 

_Now that I'm not the fire in the cold_

_Now that I'm not the hand that you hold_

_As you're walking away_

 

The Queen was illuminating the halls, holding a fireball and casting her own shadow onto everything around her. This had been her home, too. Her castle. She wouldn't surrender it. She could  _hear_ Regina's heart beating, or maybe that was just her own, that crushed, damaged little thing inside her chest. The one that Regina had broken, again. She opened the door to her bedroom. She looked at Regina and saw the colour drain from her face. " _You"_ , she said, but in a voice so dark they still sounded the same, and in this very darkness, who could even tell them apart?  _"I killed you",_ the Mayor said, as the Queen sauntered closer, still not having decided what she had even come here for. She shrugged. "Looks like  _you_ aren't very good at that", she intoned, only enraging the Mayor more. 'You still look just like me when you look at me like that', the Queen thought and it  _hurt,_ even though she couldn't say why. The other woman got up from the bed, magic rising around her. "I want you  _gone._ I never want to  _see you again._ I would kill you, a hundred times over, but since it seems that  _I can't-"_ Her magic exploded at the same time that the Queen's did. And when the smoke cleared, the queen was indeed gone, _but they were still looking at each other._ She had cursed the queen into her mirror.

_  
Will you call me to tell me you're alright_

_Cuz I worry about you the whole night_

 

Regina didn't sleep all night. She couldn't, not when she knew the Queen was watching her. 'Do you really hate us so much?', the Queen wondered, as the days passed, and Regina slept anywhere but near her. She had ordered Henry to stay with Emma. She couldn't have him in the house, not with that  _thing_ trapped in her own bedroom. 'But I was around him all the time', the Queen thought. She was the one who put him into therapy. She was the one who made everyone believe that her own child was crazy, just to delude him for a few days longer, to keep him for a few nights more... Every time Regina did look at her, when she had to get something from her room and desperately tried not to glance at the Queen but always ended up staring at her anyways, every time she looked a little worse. No sleep. No rest. No mercy. The Queen could tell that the Mayor would have been snapping at others all day, telling her friends to mind their own business, shouting at Emma that she didn't need her help. She would want to fight this all alone, and lonely she became. Eventually she caved in and crawled back into her own bed, curling up on herself. "Why are you here?", she asked softly, but fell asleep before the Queen gave her answer. "I came back for you."

 

_Don't repeat my mistakes_

_I won't sleep til you're safe inside._

 

Regina woke up the next morning, shocked. How the hell had she slept through the night?! How had she even been able to close her eyes with that monster watching over her? She glowered at herself in the mirror and saw the queen flash back an infuriatingly perfect smile. She turned away and walked out but with every step away from everyone around her, it only brought her closer to her former self. She took up talking to the mirror at night, even though the Queen never answered when she could hear. The Queen was silently planning her escape. She longed to see something other than this room, longed to see Henry. Longed to no longer see her older self look at her with hate. But she was trapped, in an eternal nightmare of mirrors and magic that let her gaze upon the thing she hated most, and for now the Queen still was that thing to Regina. But Regina had never been that thing to the Queen.

 

_If you're home I just hope that you're sober_

_Is it time to let go now you're older?_

 

"You know you are going to have to set me free to get rid of me." Those were the first words the Queen said to her in daylight. Regina startled, looking at her. She had already reached the same conclusion, but she would be damned if she did it before she knew she could kill the Queen for sure. So she just said "I know", and left it at that. She was leaving herself as the Queen asked "Where are you going?" "I am going to see my son.", the Mayor replied, and fled through the door, just catching the softly spoken " _Our son."_

_Don't leave me this way_

_I won't sleep til you're safe inside_

 

"How is he?", the Queen asked, as soon as Regina was back in their bedroom. Her older self stopped in front of the mirror, looking for the right words. "He worries", she said eventually, and saw the Queen's dark eyes soften in a way that nobody else could ever have seen. "And he misses us". The Queen smiled at the sentence that had just slipped from Regina's mouth, and even though Regina was horrified at her own choice of words, she also realized that the Queen was the only one who could possibly understand them. The only one who understood just what it meant to her that Henry  _missed them._ Her. Whatever. She went to bed pointedly ignoring further questions, even though it did feel good to have someone to talk to. Someone who cared. Of course the Queen cared, she didn't know how to _not care_  about anything. It had taken Regina years to learn how to let go of the little things that just weren't worth her wrath. She thought she had let go of the Queen, too. But she was beginning to think that maybe she should have held onto her instead.

 

_Everyone has to find their own way_

_And I'm sure things will work out okay_

_I wish that was the truth_

 

Regina wasn't quite sure just how it happened, she just knew that eventually, she couldn't take it anymore. There were too many voices, choices, telling her what to do when she could never  _make it right._ The nights were silent. Only when everything had quieted down and there was nothing left to say or do for the living, the dead would come back to haunt her. Daniel. Henry. Cora.  _You failed us, Regina. You will never be good enough, Regina. That dress looks ridiculous on you. No one will love you like this. Now be a good girl and marry the king._ "Did you see him today?", someone asked. Regina jerked up in bed. It took her a moment to come back from the past, to pick up the pieces of her shattered self... half herself. "No", she said softly, and got up, walking over to the mirror. "Oh", the Queen said, silent sympathy in her voice. She knew that Henry was their light in the darkness, and without him, well... it was easy to get lost at night. 

  
_Oh and always the sun will rise_

_Thank your lucky stars you're alive_

_It's a beautiful life_

"How do you feel?", the Queen asked, tilting her head, eyes intent on her older self. "Miserable", Regina replied. After all, there was no point in lying to herself. Without wanting to, she rested her right hand on the side of the mirror, bracing herself against the glass and what lay behind it while also simply holding on to  _anything._ The Queen lifted her left hand to mirror the mayor's. Without the glass, their fingertips would be touching. "Did you find a way to kill me yet?", the Queen asked, and Regina shook her head. "I haven't even been looking."

  
_If you make the same mistakes_

_I will love you either way_

_All I know is I can't live without you_

 

There was a long silence. Regina looked into her eyes, saw them close as hers stayed wide open, eventually turning her head. She was so close to the glass that her breath fogged on the surface as she whispered "Why isn't it over?" "What do you mean?", the Queen asked. "You. Me. Snow. The curse. The darkness. Everything. Why is it never  _over?"_ Desperation crept up on her and coloured her voice, her words and thoughts. The Queen looked at her sadly. "We're still here, aren't we? Nothing's changed, Regina. Not really." "But I cursed Snow! And I crushed you! I SHOULD HAVE WON!", Regina said, raising her voice that rang out over the emptiness inside of her, echoes of a lifetime of misery. "Yes", the Queen said, "that was all you." " _What?"_ , Regina asked sharply, intending to cut the Queen down with a single word. "I killed, Regina. I didn't care. You think I was the one that felt too much, but that's not true, is it? YOU feel things with your whole soul. I never needed to kill Snow, I didn't hurt that way. That one was all you."  _Who of us is the broken one?,_ Regina thought,  _which one of us is beyond redemption now_? She took a step back, took one last look at herself and smashed the mirror.

 

_There is nothing I can say_

_That will change you anyway_

_Darling I could never live without you_

Dark smoke poured from the shards on the wall and on the floor, rising up to manifest into something even darker, harder. The Queen stood tall in a dark blue gown, Regina in her light blue nightgown thinking that they should have been exactly the same height but weren't. The Queen had conquered kingdoms in those heels. Still they were standing face to face, blood red lips spitting out the words. "Did you  _really_ think that would kill me?" "No", Regina said softly, thinking 'yes', and commenting on both with "I thought it would set you free." There was blood running down Regina's hand as the Queen interlaced their fingers, sharing the blood and all the blame. With half the weight and half a world lifted from her shoulders, Regina stumbled just that half step forward until her head collided with the Queen's shoulder and she felt an arm wrap around her waist, herself,  _holding on to anything._

_Will you call me to tell me you're alright_

_Cause I worry about you the whole night_

_Don't make my mistakes_

_I won't sleep, I won't sleep..._

 

In that moment, Regina let go. She had given up on herself so long ago, thinking that forgiving herself for just a second would mean giving up on redemption, but it didn't. And she wasn't. Giving up. She was setting herself free. She had been standing in the way of her own happy ending for too long now, hunting it down and caging it in. She let that go, too. She could be happy in this very moment, feeling at home in the world and at ease with herself. She shifted her head on the Queen's shoulder and hugged her back. "I don't hate you", she whispered, eyes full of wonder and tears that spilled over. "I don't hate you, either", the Queen said, smiling at her future in her arms, at long last united with her past. She hesitantly brought up a hand to Regina's head, running slender fingers through the she short, silky strands and murmering how they never should have cut it off. Even though she understood why they did it- they were never coming back.

 

 _If you're home_ I _just hope that you're sober_

_Is it time to let go now you're older?_

_Don't leave me this way_

_I won't sleep til you're safe inside_

 

The Queen kept holding Regina in her arms, slowly walking them over to the bed, holding herself together all the way onto the covers. They were sinking down together, now. The Queen only half remembered to wave her hand and change from the midnight blue gown into indigo lingerie before falling into bed with her older self. Regina was holding the Queen so closely as if she could take her back into herself, if only she held on tightly enough. "I'm not going anywhere", the Queen said quietly, and felt Regina relinquish her hold ever so slightly. She bent her head to touch her lips to short hair, a temple, a cheek. Her crimson lips were right next to Regina's ear as she whispered "Goodnight, my queen." Regina felt a shiver run down her spine and she shifted, just an inch, just so she could kiss the Queen and taste her on her lips. Together they were bittersweet. "Goodnight, Regina", she replied.

  
  
_Will you call me to tell me you're alright_

_Cuz I worry about you..._


End file.
